I used to write little bits
for Best Week Ever.
Now I'm a junior (err, senior) at Northwestern working on Taintbrush and The Weekly. Oh, and I'm in New York all summer.
You can send things to
e-blotnick@northwestern.edu
Please and thank you.
← emmyblotnick.com
I love when I bother to ask Hopstop.com for subway directions and it just says “Walk, you schween.”
HE’S WATCHING. (via)
![Let’s talk about this public bathroom sign. It’s taught me so much.
Starting from the second row of useful diagrams:
Where in this godforsaken Fascist bathroom are we supposed to ralph if not into the toilet? Every other option is a public punishment. We don’t always have time to decode a stick figure demonstrating a no-no before we puke. You have to just go for it. “Carpe diem.” — Matthew McConaughey
As a Sign Designer/Bathroom Proprietor (sick business card, guy) you have to be pretty paranoid to fear reasonable people will assume the gargoyle position on a toilet. That should not crack your Top 6 Toilet Use Concerns. (But attention frat kings ‘n queens who are now thinking “HA I’m so gonna try that,” allow me to issue you a [futile] warning: you will pee all over yourself. You will. And when you tell the story later as though it happened to your “friend” I will out you, because I won’t stand for a “friend” getting thrown under the bus like that.)
Fishing, with a pole, into a public toilet. That’s perfectly reasonable. Next.
No froggystyle into the urinal? How else am I going to communicate my sexual prowess to potential mating partners around me? Consider my style cramped. I’m never fishing here again.](http://7.media.tumblr.com/1J1sCUbl3pp84439rQSNar34o1_500.jpg)
Let’s talk about this public bathroom sign. It’s taught me so much.
Starting from the second row of useful diagrams:
- Where in this godforsaken Fascist bathroom are we supposed to ralph if not into the toilet? Every other option is a public punishment. We don’t always have time to decode a stick figure demonstrating a no-no before we puke. You have to just go for it. “Carpe diem.” — Matthew McConaughey
- As a Sign Designer/Bathroom Proprietor (sick business card, guy) you have to be pretty paranoid to fear reasonable people will assume the gargoyle position on a toilet. That should not crack your Top 6 Toilet Use Concerns. (But attention frat kings ‘n queens who are now thinking “HA I’m so gonna try that,” allow me to issue you a [futile] warning: you will pee all over yourself. You will. And when you tell the story later as though it happened to your “friend” I will out you, because I won’t stand for a “friend” getting thrown under the bus like that.)
- Fishing, with a pole, into a public toilet. That’s perfectly reasonable. Next.
- No froggystyle into the urinal? How else am I going to communicate my sexual prowess to potential mating partners around me? Consider my style cramped. I’m never fishing here again.
(via nonwriting)
Sacha Baron Cohen on Letterman as…himself! Forgot he’s allowed to do that.
Yes, it’s pretty ambiguous (beforeeee…the show? Before completing puberty? Before Christmastime 2010?) but admit it, this sign is still a step in the right direction.
Gallon jugs of whole milk and waffle fries, on the other hand, now those’r LEAPS. (via)
12:34:56 07/08/09
(via stufftotelljillian)
When I was in third grade the date was January 1, 1999, or as it appears in short, 1/9/99. I thought about it for hours but assumed it was too dumb or too obvious to say out loud, until some little asshole know-it-all child in a stretchy turtleneck blurted it out to the class* — and the teacher sang his praises ALL DAY. Literally all day, just congratulating that kid and showering him in extra Goldfish crackers and yelling about how preternaturally brilliant he is into the megaphone at recess. My third grade teacher elected that kid God that day even though I THOUGHT IT TOO.
But I knew everyone would call me a copycat if I said as much, so I just sat there moping about how that day will never come again and how I’ve missed my chance forever. I hate everyone, that’s all.
*Do not try to lecture me about anything you learned from Outliers about this type of kid’s upbringing; I am already jacked up on painful childhood memories and will punch you right through this Internet and cry big black mascara tears all over your weed.
This contest exists:
KFC is looking to budding fashion designers for submissions in their annual Chari-T’s program. Now through this Friday, artists can submit their design for a cash prize, trip to NYC during Fashion Week 2010, a year of free KFC and the opportunity to have their shirts sold on KFC.com with the net proceeds going to Colonel’s Scholars, a charity providing much needed funds to underprivileged students.
Wait, who in their chicken
